Jumping Back

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If this is your first time visiting the blog- WELCOME!!!!

Take a look at The Body Image Project Play on YouTube. It is based off of a series of interviews I have had with real people in regards to how they view their bodies:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUGpyBmFjA

If you like to be interviewed for this project, we have resumed the interview process. Please find our NEW e-mail below this entry : ) If you have already contacted me to be interviewed please, re-send your e-mail to the new e-mail address!

 

Okay! As Rapper Lil Kim’ says: “I’ve been gone for a minute, now I’m back with the Jump Off”

So it has been a couple of months since I have written a blog entry. I got married and my mother suffered from a major stroke around the time of the wedding. I also moved to Chicago. To say the least, I needed a BIG break. The issue with taking such a long break away from everything that I loved is that I missed a lot of “things.” I also began getting into this state of complacency where nothing in regards to my career mattered. I developed this fear of auditioning and gained weight after the wedding/honeymoon. I have literally been eating everything I deprived my body of during the months of the wedding. I also have been doing a lot of stress eating. I was so terrified of seeing my agents again, because I knew they would notice the weight gain. Isn’t it the worst when you lose a bunch of weight and everyone around you is so hyped, but when you gain weight all you hear is crickets?! No one knows how to compliment you and they find random things to talking about like: how great your hair looks; or your nail color. I digress. 

I was extraordinarily depressed about my mother having a stroke and I blamed myself for weeks, and still kind of do. She is doing absolutely fantastic, by the way. For those who know about the situation I am eternally grateful for your prayers. But, honestly, after her stroke I found myself bathing in a warm jacuzzi of fear. To live in fear, for some people, is paradise. For some odd reason I found comfort in being stressed. But, this morning I woke up and sat down at the dining room table and realized that fear is also selfish. It serves your body absolutely no good. As most of you know I have been this body image project lady that has been blogging to help people recognize and begin a process in loving themselves. But, in this time away, I have realized the relationship that I have with myself MUST be sorted before I try to write anymore entries. I guess that’s why it took me so long to figure out what to put on this page. I realized that I need to begin to take my own advice and start the process of giving myself more credit. For this blog entry I want to talk about what it means to “jump back on the horse” and how that absolutely, positively relates to body image. 

 

These are the two definitions that I found via the Urban Dictionary: 

Def. 1 (verb) To attempt the same challenging action after failure. Apparently derived from an old adage: “You have to get back on the horse that threw you.” 

Def. 2 (verb) To get back into a habit. Traditionally this would refer to a good habit

 

If you were doing something great for your body in the past keep doing it. Whether that was exercising, eating healthily, treating yourself to an ice cream cone, going on a trip: ANYTHING. If something traumatic or celebratory occurs, take a small break,  and “jump back on the horse” in small steps. 

The thing about falling off a horse in the first place, you lose your confidence. For me, confidence, was always a tricky subject. My confidence is funny- because when I go into an audition room I can “display and ‘act’ ” confidence. But, when I am at home I am a hot mess. I really want to learn how to be confident 100% of the time, but I think realistically people can only be about 65% confident most of the time.

How do you jump back into good habits when you feel discouraged?  Easy. Surround yourself with people that are on the move! Friends and Colleagues that inspire you. That is the first step. I saw something on Facebook this morning that said “How Long Will You Watch Others Do What You Want to Do.” It is true. When I see other successful people it makes me want to accomplish so much more. This morning was the first morning that I have woken up before 8am since after the wedding. I have literally been depress sleeping constantly- and this morning I screamed at myself- in my mind of course- and say “GET UP.”

 

Second way to get back on the horse is to PEP TALK. Sometimes it is appropriate to cuss yourself out when you are in the wrong. I woke up this morning and I feel so great just to be awake when the sun is shining. That is the second step. Remind yourself about the positive things about you. 

 

Third way to get back on the horse is to pray and meditate. Most of you know about my religion and how strong it is- I hate the word religion, I actually prefer relationship with God. Religion is too structured and I am too much of a mess for structure. Spending time with God, or with your higher power is so crucial. Even if you do not believe in forms of spiritual guidance- spend time with yourself in a quiet room and listen to your thoughts. Take time to get away from the hustle and bustle of the outside world and record yourself just speaking. Lay on your back and just talk it out or pray and meditate. The time I spend with God, reading scripture and praying gives me the courage to fight back. Hebrews 11 has really been a great scripture read for me in these last couple of months. 

 

The last thing I will say in this entry is to REALLY look at the blessings of your life with a realistic eye rather than a comparative one. Even appreciate extraordinarily small blessings. It’s easy when close friends are soaring, while you have been stuck in a rut. When you are out of the rut, no one is where you left them. Everyone is somewhere else, better. Sometimes that in itself can get discouraging, because you can beat yourself up. While being in NJ I missed so many auditions in Chicago. All of friends are in major shows on television and in theatre. Yes, it is really encouraging to know that the dream is attainable. But, if you are like me, you can beat yourself up for missing major opportunities. The best cure for this is to repeat the words: what is for me is for me. Really believe that, truly.

I slowly, but surely, am realizing ALL that I have to offer this world. But, the world will never know what you have to offer if you do not jump back on the horse and ride it to the finish line. Even if you finish last, just finish. It doesn’t matter how many times your fall in this life, but do yourself a favor and slowly begin to get back into a groove of loving yourself. When you truly love yourself you can conquer everything. Jump on the horse, let’s all finish this race together!

Danielle Pinnock-Wallace : )

Actor | Director | Playwright

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