I came across this quote walking towards the direction of my apartment in Chicago. “You are more than enough” it rang so true to me that day. It was a much needed reminder of why I created and am working on The Body Image Project. I want women and men to know that they are more than enough. I want to believe this myself!
This entry has been on my heart for the past month and I have been absolutely terrified to write it. I have reached a major one month plateau in my weight loss journey. As most of you know, since February, I have lost 30 pounds. June and most of July have been getting on my nerves, because I have stayed at the same weight for about six weeks now. Plateau’s can be okay.
When I started my weight loss journey, I wasn’t losing weight to be cute or to wear things with backs out and cleavage- although, now that I think about it, that may be a little cute : )
I really wanted to take command of my life. I am getting married in 24 days and I want to walk down the aisle, not as a “skinny” bride, but as a bride that is confident and glowing. When I gained 100 pounds, it was due to depression and now losing this weight is not about physical appearance, it’s about losing baggage that has held me down for so many years. It is about my own transformation from collegiate years into the real world. It is about me. Only me and no one else. Gone are the days of losing weight for other people. Gone are the days of wallowing and consuming everything under the sun.
In early January I went on the scale and saw the weight 250. That 250 pounds means so much to me. It reminds me of the baggage I carry of people who do not deserve my time of day. I am not saying being this weight is bad or good, but for me, personally I did not feel comfortable in my own skin anymore- I felt like my body belonged to my past. Now I have maintained a whopping 220-221. Which is progress, but I have never seen anything lower than this number since I was a freshman in college.
Now a lot of you may be shocked and surprised that I put my weight on the internet. I am sure some of my ex-boyfriends who may be reading this post are freaking out. HAHA. SURPRISE! Who cares. People do far crazier things online and in the world! I just hope to inspire someone to know that if you are on any kind of journey try your best to love yourself through the good times and the plateau times.
I read a blog this morning and the girl was talking about her obsession with the scale. I definitely understand this. There was a time when I would weigh myself twice a day. I could look at myself in the mirror and know exactly how much weight I was for that day. It was crazy. When I look in the mirror, although I am growing in my body image journey, sometimes I wish I could see myself through other people’s eyes. I wish that I could see what my fiance sees. I wish I could see what my best friends see of me. But, sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see myself through a pair of judgemental eyes. I see myself through the eyes of everyone who has ever said anything mean or crazy to me. I can’t wait for the day when I can see myself as God sees me. I can’t wait for the day to take off my rose coloured sunglasses and see myself as a Queen. Progress is key. Journey is life. Plateau’s are patient.
Let me tell you something, the numbers on a scale should not determine your inner peace. Numbers on a scale do not determine self worth. Numbers on a scale do not determine your beauty. Say this to yourselves everyday until you truly believe it.
I was talking to my fiance recently, and was sad when I came home and saw the scale reading the same number. He said simply “At least you didn’t gain.” Plateau’s are a great lesson in patience.
The thing about this man, I am marrying, is that regardless of what I look, feel, or act like he still loves me. Which, to be honest, still trips me up. I have never experienced unconditional love from another human being other than like, my mom and grandmas. His love for me has allowed me to look inwards to try to muster up a little more love for myself. It’s hard! It really is, especially when you may not be confident or feel beautiful all the time. But, loving yourself whether you gain, lose, plateau is the key to moving forward. I know when I walk down the aisle whether at 220 or 200 that I will be walking into a future with someone who truly appreciates me for my flaws.
You may be going through a plateau in your career, or with school, or financially. Just know, to continue what you are doing and to focus in, because the change will happen. Keep it moving. Let’s move past our plateau’s this week and walk confidently together to a new dream. You are more than enough, act like it! Be it! Live it!
actor | director | playwright
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